Failure is Not an Option

The title of this piece is a famous movie line and it was born of researching the history of the Apollo 13 incident. Someone at NASA explained that they just keep brainstorming and listing options and figuring out how to accomplish things and "Failure" is not an "option" in their brainstorming sessions.

If they fail, it's not because they threw in the towel or wasted time wallowing in self pity. They accept failure only when the mission is over because it exploded and everyone died. They don't ever say "Too late to keep trying." at any earlier point.

I once read an article where a long married woman tried to explain the success of her marriage in the age of divorce and she said -- probably somewhat tongue in cheek -- that divorce was just not an option in their minds. Murder, yes. Divorce, no.

Thomas Edison gets quoted a lot for saying things like "I haven't failed. I've learned 5000 ways it doesn't work."

All mental models are wrong. Some are useful.

I love words and writing. I hate labels but use them grudgingly to try to communicate.

I'm fairly confident the words above are an attempt to communicate something that is generally poorly understood and because it's poorly understood, those attempts unfortunately frequently lead to bizarre and counterproductive interpretations.

There is a story about someone burning the boats when they landed so retreat was not an option. The Art of War recommends that you intentionally give your army no way out other than victory or death so they will fight like cornered rats.

Historically, turning and running was an excellent way to get cut down from behind. These days, we have tactics for retreating that don't amount to suicide, but historically the primary reason to insist on no retreat was because the cost of retreat was a LOT of lost lives.

I once talked to a mom on a parenting list who had a child on a psych drug or something and the child wanted a military career. She was frustrated that doctors were not really listening to the fact that "We don't want treatment modalities that will guarantee he can never pursue his dream career." As a military wife, I was able to find the information she needed to thread that needle of both treating him and not permanently closing the door on the career he wanted.

Until she spoke to me, she was getting this SHIT answer that "If we don't treat him, he'll never be functional enough to have ANY career. Too bad, so sad that treating him completely destroys his dreams and the future he wants. That sucks but you need to be realistic."

And it's not like I've never missed the point of what someone wanted or needed while trying to be helpful, but far too many people are actively hostile to hearing "My goal is X."

My position is always "I don't know how to get there from here. I don't think it can be done. But don't let that stop you from trying to find the answer you want. Get a second opinion if you don't like mine."

I think people think I'm being sarcastic. I'm actually not, no.

Most people seem to think they know more than they do. They think if you ask them and they don't have an answer, it must not exist. They act like if you persist in looking after asking them, you are insulting their intelligence.

People get weirdly psycho controlling about wanting to insist you NOT try to find an answer if an answer doesn't already exist or they don't know what it is and fancy themselves an expert.

And we get a lot of rules of thumb along the lines of "Burn the boats" which don't necessarily promote success. They cut off options and cutting off options can limit your ability to pursue what you really want.

I like the saying "Going to war to preserve the peace is like fucking to preserve virginity." 

It makes it crystal clear that you can't get there from here and you are cutting off your nose to spite your face if you try to go that route.

Sometimes people are choosing the right limiter. They are saying "Anything but THAT!" because THAT is a clear condition of failure and no going back, no trying again.

And sometimes they don't really understand what they are doing and they want to believe closing off options will force success and it doesn't.

The Nestle Infant Formula Scandal most likely was dreamed up by some moron who imagined if you gave women just enough free formula to let their milk dry up, it would force them to magic up enough money to keep their babies adequately fed. Result: Babies DIED.

Conservative politicians frequently seem to think you can put a gun to the head of poor people and motivate them to not be poor, like they just aren't trying hard enough. They claim homeless people are all junkies and crazies to say it's a personal problem and there are no systemic issues and then act like laziness is the sole driving force behind drug addiction and mental health issues.

"Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." doesn't mean "Let poor people starve and they will MAGICALLY figure out how to fish!"

Be careful in choosing your options and limiters. And "get therapy" if your mental models are clearly fostering the messes you can't seem to escape.