Everybody Lies
Saw this video the other day:
The REAL reason David Lee Roth never married
I am capitalizing REAL because it's probably half truths at best.
I'm pretty sure very famous people lie a lot to try to have any privacy whatsoever because the world is full of thoroughly awful people and will just not respect the boundaries of famous people in the slightest.
I had a friend who used to tell me I was an egomaniac and SHIT like this. Notice that's past tense. We aren't friends anymore.
She said that stuff because I would talk about wanting to be famous or expecting to be famous.
That's not ego.
In my youth, I couldn't go anywhere in my home town without people recognizing me and I once ran into a soldier in Kansas whom I didn't recognize who CLEARLY knew who I was and had known me in Germany and I had made an impression on the man.
He remembered me grocery shopping in Germany because soldiers noticed that I carried home at least as much weight as they carried in a backpack at work and commented on it and respected the hell out of me.
I was one of the top three students in my graduating high school class and had the highest SAT score. Everyone at school knew who I was and would ask me questions in the hall by name though I sometimes had no idea who they were.
On top of long-standing firsthand experience that I stand out from the crowd and people recognize me even if I have no idea who they are, I have always wanted to be a writer. I've wanted that from age eleven.
Most writers are nobodies who get paid dirt. A few are hugely successful and wealthy.
And for those few, everyone knows their name.
You may hate JK Rowling for being a transphobic evil piece of shit -- I certainly do -- but you have heard of her. You also likely know Stephen King's name and Michael Crichton's.
If you are actually good at writing and make good money at it, you're probably famous. So I figured if I ever was successful, I would be famous. Furthermore, having a large audience is how you make good money as a writer, so that's a goal to shoot for if you don't want to starve.
It works exactly that way for singers too: You're either rich and famous or you sing occasionally in the shower or at a local talent place and wait tables to eke out a living.
To my annoyance, David Lee Roth claims he's not well adjusted at all and that's why he never married. That probably means he's diplomatic and routinely tells people "It's not you. It's me. Let it go."
He makes a few statements that are probably completely true and useful food for thought at the end where he talks about what utter SHIT he hears from people looking to flatter him and get involved with him.
If you expect to be rich and famous, you can expect to be surrounded by people lying and manipulating and acting like they imagine you got rich by being a MORON who has no clue what dirtbags people can be.
He's in his 70s. He frankly looks like an old gay guy to me.
As someone who has never met him, my guess would be that the REAL reason he never married is "closeted gay guy who doesn't want to tell that to this CESSPIT of a planet that has absolutely no respect whatsoever for the privacy of wealthy people." And he was a huge huge sex symbol in this heteronormative CESSPIT, so he probably wants to preserve his marketability as a heteronormative sex symbol of a guy who can attract girls, girls, girls.
BUT that may say more about MY biases than about him because rest assured I'm quick to assume (closeted) "GAY guy!" as the explanation for ANY committed bachelor and that's not actually the only possible explanation.
His career certainly got in the way if by "retro hetero" he means "I'm an old fashioned guy and imagined I would marry for life and being a rock star didn't play nice with that fantasy."
If he's gay and I'm outting him and causing trouble, I'm sorry. I've never really followed his life, so maybe he's an asshole and I missed that fact but I've never actually HEARD anything to suggest he's an asshole.
Everyone knows Elon Musk and Donald Trump are assholes. You hear that nonstop without making ANY effort to follow their stories.
I always had a really nice impression of David Lee Roth. He seemed ridiculously sweet and engaging in good, clean fun for a rock star and the video above doesn't contradict that impression.
But I have two problems with the video:
1. I suspect he is gay and a nice guy denied personal happiness by being a famous sex symbol in a heteronormative CESSPIT.
I wish he could have personal happiness as part of his life experience and whether gay or not, the clip suggests that's not something he has. He's brought me joy and he should get that back. Earning a living as an artist shouldn't be suffering for your art and shut up and be glad they paid you.
2. If he's gay and lying about it to protect his privacy and earning ability, it perpetuates the problem and encourages countless other people to stay closeted and lie about their sexual orientation too. It does so for a long, long list of reasons, far too long to really cover here.
Everybody lies. I think it's nigh impossible to be in the public eye and be extremely honest because trying to be accurate can open you up to ridiculous assumptions and attacks that you can't defend against.
The only winning move is not to play and that means just conforming to the socially acceptable standard tropes with zero nuance to try to shut down what would happen if you didn't.
But it makes it actively harder for everyone to make their lives work because if you don't personally know David Lee Roth and you just believe whatever he chooses to say about himself on the public record though perhaps he's actually gay and perhaps that explains his flamboyance and "crazy" behavior, then you have dirty data to work with when wondering "Am I gay? Or just impossible to live with?"