There's no such thing.

I'm a recovered survivor of incest twice over. Some years ago, I was befriended by a woman who had been brutally raped and in one conversation she said she had dissociated during this horrific, violent assault and some therapist was like "That's REALLY bad!"

It's possible the therapist MEANT "That's evidence what was done to you was extremely bad and hurtful." But she took it like she was doing victim wrong.

There's no "doing victim right" or "doing victim wrong." That's NOT a thing, no.

On Metafilter, some woman was in a dysfunctional marriage and at some point she said in replies "I know I'm screwing up." And I told her "No one is telling you that. We're telling you you're the victim here and you deserve better and do yourself a favor and get out."

If you are a therapist or similar, please be aware of DARVO and that abusers LIE constantly and tell their victims it's somehow their fault when in reality abusive people are monsters who simply had access and opportunity to do awful things they LIKE doing, CHOOSE to do and PLAN their lives around making happen.

And if the person in question was a child at the time they were abused, it's typically adults who have control over who has access to that child. Some adult messed up. 

Be aware that survivors of abuse have been told countless times they are somehow at fault and get told it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't done X. It's a LIE but it leaves victims highly inclined to interpret things you say to them through a lens of being accused again of somehow being the one getting it wrong and being at fault.

If you are reading this and you are trying to recover from something horrible:

There is NO SUCH THING as "doing victim wrong."

WHATEVER you FEEL is not WRONG.

If you are mad as hell, you aren't "morally wrong and insufficiently lovingly Christian." You have a right to be mad.

You would probably be wise to find some expression for that anger that doesn't land you in jail. But feeling your feelings is step one in recovering.

If you have mixed feelings and are wondering if you somehow brought it on yourself by being too pretty, by dressing a certain way, etc. that's extremely common and there are lots of factors at play there that I've spent a lifetime sorting out. It's fine to spend time splitting hairs and wondering if it says you are prettier than average or something positive, if you feel simultaneously flattered and devastated.

You aren't doing victim wrong by having mixed feelings. Abusers count on that happening and actively try to confuse you and give you positive associations with them and with what they chose to do to you.

They do that because it makes it less likely you will tell someone or file a police report and have them charged.

There's no doing victim wrong. 

And you didn't SOMEHOW deserve to be abused by someone.

If you deserved it, it's not abuse.

Rest assured, your abuser will pretend they are the real victim and claim they don't deserve jail time should justice be served. But something like going to jail because you did something terrible isn't abuse. It's punishment.

Sexually assaulting a child is abuse. Full STOP. No excuses.

And nothing a child does somehow causes that.

If a child dresses sexy and tries to seduce an adult, the legal and moral responsibility to just say no is on the adult.

No matter how you dressed, how cute you were or are, how much you wanted some positive attention from someone: a CHILD is NOT capable of magically turning a healthy adult into a pedophile by being too cute. That's not a thing either.

Will some children have been abused and gotten told it was punishment? Absolutely. That's par for the course with psych jobs. See DARVO above.

I know you have a lot to unpack. Because I am sixty and spent decades unpacking my baggage.

Hopefully, this helps you get there faster and better than I did.