The Phoenix

Years ago, I knew someone who was brutally assaulted and dissociated during the assault. And then some butthead therapist told her that was super bad, making her feel like she somehow was a bad victim who failed at doing victim the right way.

I told her dissociation is a protective mechanism. It preserves pieces of your psyche so you can sew them back together someday when you're ready. They aren't just outright lost. 

Native Americans have survived a lot and their culture is tattered and torn. They are often angry at me for being interested in Native culture.

There's no good or acceptable way to say anything about the whole thing. People expect me to pity Natives and want to help them because they are pathetic losers or something. When that's not my goal, they assume I'm a White woman wanting to take yet more from peoples Whites have already very ungraciously taken far too much from. 

My mother grew up in Germany during World War II and it's aftermath. My maiden name is Irish in origin and most Irish immigrants came here because of the Irish Potato Famine. Armenian peoples came here because of genocide in Armenia. 

I don't think a single person alive today is free of substantial baggage from war or genocide or similar impacting their people in living memory.

I don't pity Natives, though I'm not happy about what was done to them either and I'm certainly not interested in making their lives worse in any way.

I'm seriously handicapped. I like quotes from the deaf and blind historical figure Helen Keller and I like watching clips from the black-and-white film about her life called The Miracle Worker.

Her teacher was visually impaired and in this scene tells Helen's parents of the hardships she grew up with and says it made her strong. Then says Helen doesn't need to be subjected to the same because she's strong enough. 

My father grew up in The Great Depression and fought in World War II. He once told me The Great Depression prepared America to win the war. Then changed the subject and never elaborated. 

I'm not looking to "save" Natives and I'm not looking to diminish them in any way. We all have hardships in life and theirs aren't necessarily somehow unique or fundamentally worse than that of other people. 

I had a dream when I began homeschooling that this was like what my Native ancestors did to educate their children and it was one more incident of a silver thread running through the tapestry of my life, a single thin thread, ever present, helping to hold my life together. 

Native men and Native culture helped me recover from what White men and White culture did to my life. Native culture is more respectful towards women and kinder and more civil.

The Haudenosaunee Confederation is probably the inspiration for American democracy which the USA and much of the planet thinks is so wonderful. I think it's a stolen and botched idea which would be better executed by the peoples who birthed it.

I think the MMIW crisis is rooted in essential cultural conflict between Native cultures that respect women and White culture that is essentially synonymous with the concept of rape culture. And I think the solution is for Native culture to win the culture war and cram respect for women down the throats of disrespectful bastards.

I'm interested in understanding Native culture not to take more from them but to parse what it has already done to my life, a life where my feminine identity has risen from the ashes of the scorched earth policy of White culture already.

And I write in hopes of casting light because it's better to light one candle than curse the dark and perhaps seeing life through my eyes will allow them to do for themselves what they've already done for me.